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Can someone please??

Can someone please??

Oh my god I’m hijacking my own Book Club site, which isn’t even ready to launch. But this is crushing me and I have to get it off my chest, to send it not only to my one friend but to shout about it.

Dear Friend,

I’m with you around not becoming what we despise. As I was with Michelle Obama when she said, “When they go low, we go high.” When left wing pundits and friends of mine criticized Democratic leaders for not adopting some of the more effective underhanded campaign tactics of the right, I said, “We’re better than that.”

But when I saw just a bit of what went down at the inauguration (I didn’t watch it live but saw parts on the Daily Show), my overriding feeling was that we – meaning we who believe in equality, justice, civil rights, protecting the planet, kindness, empathy, mutual respect – are without a champion. Leaders I thought of as champions, and brave – Barack Obama, Kamala Harris, Corey Booker, Elizabeth Warren, to name a few – just SAT THERE grinding their teeth while Trump demeaned the presidency and our nation by berating the outgoing President (who was sitting right behind him), further stoking division and chaos with hate-filled, inflammatory lies and derision, crowing like the small, vulgar bully he is. The sycophants cheered. 

How did this ever become acceptable?

On MLK Day of all days, how could nobody there take a stand against his hatred and lies and disrespect by getting up in the middle of his attack and walking out? I’m trying to think of leaders like AOC who flat out refused to see a rapist inaugurated, or Michelle Obama who also declined the invitation. But those who were there — they all just sat there and took it. They all just stood by. I can’t process it, really, and I am so dismayed. While I’m sitting at home wondering where to look for inspiration, trying not to lose hope, trying to believe that my small acts of resistance or community-building matter – these leaders cannot muster the slightest protest in solidarity?

Their message, probably not intended: THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN DO, THEY HAVE ALL THE POWER.

Trump’s message, intended: I CAN DO OR SAY ANYTHING I WANT (SEE THE GREEDY BILLIONAIRE ASS-KISSERS LINED UP BEHIND ME?) AND I WANT EVERYONE NOT KISSING MY ASS TO BE AFRAID.

Musk’s message, probably intended: WHITE SUPREMACISTS, WE’VE WON, LET’S GO!

I swear I’ve been trying not to be an alarmist, or to lose all hope, but that inaction by every leader who was there hit me so hard. It feels like our democracy is a sinking ship. The self-serving billionaires on board made a deal with the devil and were rescued by helicopter. The beleaguered old captain went down with the ship, while his officers winced – they would have enjoyed the opportunity to be of service but it might have seemed rude to question the devil and his helicopter – and clambered onto lifeboats, tossing flotation devices to the rest of us and wishing us the best of luck.  

I ended up in a smaller lifeboat provisioned with what I need to survive, and it’s getting fucking dark, and cold. Others are worse off, clinging to life preservers or bailing out leaky boats. For many of them and for others, the sharks are circling, and I don’t know how to help.

Thank you, at least, to Bishop Budde, who looked the felon in the eye and bravely made the case for empathy with poise and dignity.

4 responses to “Can someone please??”

  1. Russ Kiel Avatar
    Russ Kiel

    I think your thoughts and reflections and hurt mirror my own. Keep writing, keep talking, keep doing the things you need to do for yourself. Others will join you.

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    1. Bethany Avatar
      Bethany

      ❤️

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  2. Cyril Avatar
    Cyril

    I 100% agree with how you feel about this — and I, too, couldn’t watch it, can’t even read the news, can’t even read the president’s name or see his picture without feeling sick, literally sick, queasy-in-the-depths-of-my-stomach sick. And like you, perhaps, a part of me aches to see an epic moment of heroism: How I can imagine my heros, some of whom you have named, standing and turning their backs or raising their fists in resistance. That would feel so good.

    So I agree with how you feel, I do. But I think our feelings have it wrong. Maybe the heroes I believe in did exactly the right thing. Hear me out.

    Values. Whether “our side” sits through the inauguration is more than a futile symbolic nod to democracy and the peaceful transfer of power. It is the last shred of the democratic values we are fighting for. Perhaps “our side” must acknowledge its loss — sit through its loss — because this is the system we are fighting for. The bad guys, they want us to give up on democracy altogether. They want us to throw up our hands and “admit” the game–because they think democracy is a game–is over. Perhaps participating in the inauguration was essential to holding on to the values we are fighting for.

    Honor. Flip the scenario. How would we have judged Ted Cruz or Mitch McConnell if they had staged some dramatic protest at Biden’s innauguration? (“Have they no honor?” I would have said.) And no, there is no moral equivalence between these presidents, one a good and decent man and one the worst of the worst. But if we take on face value that this is about democracy, the presidency and no one president, why insist upon acting honorably when it is easy and not when it is hard?

    Strategy. Performative outrage is what the bad guys want. It plays into their narrative. It feeds their fire. No outrage, no indignation, no shame touches them. Often it seems to makes them stronger, like putting out fire with gasoline. The only, essential goal now is wresting power back from the worst of the worst before they can destroy everything we love. How would some deeply satisfying (to us) symbolic protest help us regain that power? How would it play for the voters who put this new president in power? What red meat would it feed to a despicable Republican caucus? Fuck them! you might say. And I might pump my fist because seriously, fuck them all. But no. There are three special elections coming up. They are our only chance to throw some guardrails up in the House. There are midterms in two years, and Congress will be in play. And there are even Republicans in congress who could conceivably join with Democrats to prevent some of the worst outcomes in the meantime. It would be so, so tempting to say fuck it, we have to go low like them. But perhaps it’s not about going low or going high, but finding and protecting the few levers of power available to a losing party fighting a corrupt and fucking evil oligarchy.

    Courage. “They all just stood there.” Yes, they did.

    But if you buy that maybe they did it not out of resignation or stupidity or sycophancy, but some combination of values, honor, and strategy — then can you even begin to imagine the courage it must have taken to bear witness?

    For if you and I are sick with revulsion and can’t bear to tune in because we might burst into tears… Can we even conceive the pain these heroes — who fought with all their heart for what is good and right, who endured ruthless attacks equally stupid and hateful, and whose failure to win the race has devastated America — must carry? Can we even imagine the hatred and brokenheartedness they must feel, watching these sneering destroyers prepare to tear down everything they hold dear?

    I am not dismayed by anyone but the bad guys in this story. As for Obama, Harris, Warren, etc — I feel pride. What incredible courage must it take to show up and “just stand there” for the sake of an idea — democracy — they are still fighting for, despite everything.

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    1. Bethany Avatar
      Bethany

      I used up all that “feeling proud of them standing there and taking it” during the certification of the election. I felt like that was proper, even though it was painful. I was okay with their decision to attend the inauguration, too, for all the reasons you express. But Trump’s address came after the swearing in — power had been transferred peacefully. It was then that, standing a few feet from Biden, Trump smeared him with his usual vitriol, lies, and vengeance, shitting on all of America in the process.

      If he had somehow managed decorum and respect, then okay.

      But it was vile, and dangerous in so many ways. WALK THE FUCK OUT.

      I haven’t lost all respect (or much at all really) for Obama Harris Warren et al. I know they’ll keep working for good — but I am not convinced they’re FIGHTING for good. At what point if not while the rapist and felon who got elected is shitting on the outgoing President and crowing about his cruel and destructive plans for America do our leaders say it’s time to STAND UP instead of acting polite?

      I wish with all my heart that they had dared to give us — everyone who despises Trump’s ethics — had dared to give us a clear, resounding, and inspiring signal that NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO FUCKING SIT THROUGH THIS. Enough is enough, my god.

      And now, while so many of us are feeling small and hopeless, Project 2025 is unfolding so fast that it’s nearly impossible to keep track of it all. Here, look, https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/initial-rescissions-of-harmful-executive-orders-and-actions/

      The Spanish version of the whitehouse website was taken down. All pages related to LGBTQ rights, gone. I’m sure you’ve heard he’s trying to get rid of birthright citizenship via executive order. Latino parents are afraid to send their kids to school because Trump has authorized ICE to go into schools (and churches, and courtrooms). Not only have federal employees been alerted that all DEI programs are to be immediately dismantled, but they have been told that the government realizes some agencies are trying to maintain DEI departments, positions, or policies, but just call them something different. Employees were told they should report this, and that there would be no penalty if reported within 10 days, but if they suspected this but did NOT report promptly, they would be punished.

      It’s a firehose of awful, toxic shit.

      THEY SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP AND WALKED OUT. And followed up with the unveiling of a sweepingly wonderful Project 2029, with plans for rallying citizens behind it. If there’s a strategy, they should let us all in on it.

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